Premium Grass Touching
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Premium Grass Touching is exactly what it sounds like but done properly. If you are stuck inside, burnt out or just chronically online, you can hire me to go outside and physically touch grass on your behalf. Using my right hand, tattoo and all, I will find a solid patch, not sad dry sidewalk grass but actual respectable greenery, and press my hand into it like a responsible representative of humanity. Afterward you will receive a real field report. What it felt like. The temperature. Whether the ground was cool or sun warmed. If there was wind. If the air smelled like rain or freshly cut lawn. If the moment felt grounding or slightly transcendent. This service is for anyone who needs proof that the outside world still exists and that someone is out there making contact with it. Additional packages are available. Email for details. Premium Grass Touching. Right Hand Edition. Done with intention. Done with dignity.
Premium Grass Touching is exactly what it sounds like but done properly. If you are stuck inside, burnt out or just chronically online, you can hire me to go outside and physically touch grass on your behalf. Using my left hand, tattoo and all, I will find a solid patch, not sad dry sidewalk grass but actual respectable greenery, and press my hand into it like a responsible representative of humanity. Afterward you will receive a real field report. What it felt like. The temperature. Whether the ground was cool or sun warmed. If there was wind. If the air smelled like rain or freshly cut lawn. If the moment felt grounding, reflective or unexpectedly emotional. This service is for anyone who needs proof that the outside world still exists and that someone is out there making contact with it. Additional packages are available. Email for details. Premium Grass Touching. Left Hand Edition. Done with intention. Done with dignity.
Hi, I’m Sytiva. I touch grass for you. For a low cost of $10, I will go outside and physically touch grass on your behalf. You can even choose the hand. Left or right! I will find a solid patch, not sad dry sidewalk grass but real respectable greenery, and make proper contact. Afterward you will receive a short field report describing what it felt like, the temperature, the vibe and whether the moment delivered any unexpected clarity. If you need proof that the outside world still exists and someone is out there making contact with it, I’ve got you.